bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
