Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
