farters have to be the big spoon...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
