It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
