i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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