I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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