i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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