I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
