In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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