going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm just crazy horny about you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So here I am, sexting at work.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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