Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
