I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
