So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
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