I will die if light touches me.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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