i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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