I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
