I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
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