Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
