He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He felt like a one man threesome
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
