I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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