Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
