i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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