good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
