Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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