He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I look better un-naked...
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
