Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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