I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
