Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
