Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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