Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
