Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
