I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
