I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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