There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
