i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
