at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
