This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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