Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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