I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
operation have a gay friend backfired
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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