I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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