So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
and you fell through a lawn chair
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
