I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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