Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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