i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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