Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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