i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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