i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
