Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
