Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
