tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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