meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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