guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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