Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
