Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
