i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
