I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
