My hand turned me down
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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