there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
My penis needs a shock collar
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My bed smells like the plague
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
