It's like God shit irony all over that family
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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