whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
