The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
