So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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