we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
