Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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