new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
