I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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