your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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