This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
