I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
