So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
