The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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