More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize